The Mormonstermobile

I am sitting in The Mormonstermobile wearing a gigantic coat because it's freezing cold and snowy outside.  The Mormonstermobile is my car, a purple mini-van my parents gave to me a year and a half ago.

Why am I in my car when it's freezing cold outside?  Something to do with parents and marijuana.  Marijuana purchased legally at a Dispensary cause I live in Denver.  Michael has his medical marijuana card which he abuses frequently.  He got me four joints for 17 dollars.  Medical grade.  Which means, as of this writing, I'm fucking baked.  And it's not even noon.

My mental illness is climate controlled, meaning it's controlled by the climate.  When it's sunny outside, all I wanna do is lay in the sun and forget my troubles.  When it's cold, I become suicidal.  That's probably bi-polar but tell that to my psychiatrist who is a doctor and that we pay $200 a month for (down from $800 awhile ago).  He hasn't mentioned it more than once.  I let him do the thinking in our relationship but chances are I'm more emotionally aware than he is.  Oui, mes amies.

Everyone in Denver is bipolar, I swear to the heavens.  I watched a weatherman, yesterday before the storm, whisper in dulcet calming tones, "Now, folks, it's not gonna be too bad.  Maybe I'm wrong, but it's going to snow a little bit." As if he, the weatherman, were responsible for the upcoming April storm.  Folks, I've lived in Denver my whole life okay?  It's gonna snow until May, calm the fuck down, that's what Denver is like.  But we all lose our minds every year and then forget it ever happened in the summer.

Guess what happened yesterday in Denver?  A woman got raped, in public, by a Marine at the International Airport on the concourse and no one did anything for several minutes.  She was on her way to join a nunnery.  No joke. : )

A woman put her kids in a car and rolled them off a bridge.

We Denverites are crazy motherfuckers.  Just like our weather.

So be glad I haven't had a drop of alcohol in 5 months and counting, Denver.  Because if I still consumed liquor, today would be a day I would unleash my Mormon fire upon you in dramatic and devastating flame.  I would wash the land angry with my power.  And the angels would weep for all I touched.